Get Physical

A Valentine’s Day Guide Guide for Your Most Intimate Self

by Jessa Chargois

Every February, roses, chocolates, and cupids overwhelm shelves and remind us how society would like us to display our affection for others. Now, while Valentine’s Day is romantic in theory, I’ve always been one to view the holiday with a bit of pessimism; why are we supposed to express our love for others more intensely on some days and less on others? Why is it that on Valentine’s Day, we must publicly and frankly, overtly demonstrate the companionship some of us have found, while those who are without a partner, regardless of their motives, must be pitied? I’ve lost track of how many Valentine’s Days I have spent alone with myself, and truthfully, I have felt so free. Without societal pressures to “prove” how much I love someone through capitalistic or monetary performances, I’ve been able to appreciate the love I feel towards myself. I won’t pretend my self-love is as high or as strong as I would one day aspire it to be, but I would argue that practice makes perfect. Sometimes, the most romantic thing to do is to romanticize your relationship with your mind, emotions, and your body. 

This Valentine’s Day, disconnect from the world for a bit, and reconnect with the love you feel towards your most intimate self. Take some much needed time to listen and respect your body. She protected and sheltered you throughout one of the most turbulent years we have yet to face. This very body you are in, has been your safe place, so let’s treat her like it. Valentine’s will come and go, but your body is forever. 

I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite ways to pay respect to my home, my shelter, my intimate self. Treat yourself. Reward the work you’ve done, and the love you’ve fostered. Reject the notion that Valentine’s Day must be celebrated with others, and instead, grant yourself permission to love and treat yourself.

If you happen to know me in real life, chances are that I’ve either dragged you into a sex store or I’ve dragged you to an event at a sex store, and I’m not going to apologize for that. Female pleasure is stigmatized. We are shamed, pressured, and silenced when we discuss, display, or desire pleasure. We are educated about sex through media sources that emphasize male pleasure, and villianize those women who dare ask for more. We are expected to discuss sex in the privacy of intimate settings, and are warned against the harmful repercussions if we stray from that expectation. We are sick and tired of it, and we want to feel good, too. For this Valentine’s Day, explore the very body that protected you and served you throughout these difficult months.

Enter, Pom. With a powerful motor and four vibration patterns, this ergonomic and quiet pleasure will have you raising enough of a racket to scare away all of the outdated notions of sexual meekness. With no internal body, Pom is flexible, confirming to the shape that best pleases your unique and beautiful body. Designed to rest in the palm of your hand, Pom’s intuitive controls won’t have you distracted throughout your time spent reconnecting with yourself. Whether you prefer to light some candles and nestle into your bed, or dip your toes into a warm and sud filled tub, Pom’s waterproof medical grade silicone  can travel with you.

If you’re not sure Dame’s Pom is the right option for you, or if you aren’t ready or unable to spend that amount of money on a vibrator, Dame has an option for you. Pleasure should not be inaccessible.

Meet the only date I’ll encourage for this Valentine’s Day, Dame’s Zee, a simple yet effective bullet vibrator that will have your head spinning quicker than a bottle of wine ever could. 

With three speeds, this USB rechargeable and water resistant vibrator is hands-down my favorite product I’ve ever purchased solely for my pleasure. Without the bells and whistles of other “fancier” vibrators, Zee is the perfect first step into the world of battery-operated pleasure. For $30.00, Zee has granted me some of the most memorable orgasms. Your Valentine’s roses may die, but your vibrator is won’t.

Okay, so what if you do want a vibrator with bells and whistles? 
MysteryVibe’s Poco is more technologically advanced than my first phone was. With two motors along the length of the shaft, Poco offers multiple stimulation points. Each motor is programmable, customisable, and controllable through an app designed specifically for MysteryVibe.  Because of the bendable design, Poco can be shaped and manipulated for maximum pleasure, whether this is for shared experience or for solo-stimulation. Designed to be gender neutral, the range of motion for Poco mimics the motion of our fingers, our first ‘sex toy” regardless of your gender assigned at birth. For $89.99, MysteryVibe’s Poco offers an opportunity to experiment and explore your body, your desires, and your pleasure points in an experience other, simpler vibrators cannot offer.

After I started my antidepressants, I noticed a major change in my sexual drive. Affecting my urge and my body’s willingness, the medication left much to be desired. Too often, lubricants are left out of the conversation when discussing safe and healthy sex, placing an undiscussed pressure on those with vaginas to create an enivroment for pleasure. TMI? Possibly, yet, I’m sure one or more of you would agree-lubricant can make a world of difference regardless of your sexuality and your experiences.

Lube is perfectly normal

Water-based lubricants are the most versatile of all lubricants and can be used in practically any activity you can think up. From solo-play to a first encounter, water-based lube is safe for use with silicone toys, along with the use of condoms — both latex and non-latex. 

After experimenting with a variety of options, from scent to scentless, warming to cooling, Coconu’s Water-Based Lubricant has become my new go-to. With 100% natural ingredients, Coconu’s Water-Based lube doubles as a lubricant and as a moisturizer for your vagina. 100% edible and 100% cruelty free, this lube won’t leave you wondering “what did i just put in my mouth” (something I can’t say about all of my past hookups)…At $24.99 for 3 ounces, Coconu is a bit pricey compared to other lubricants out on the market, however, a portion of every order is donated to OCRA (Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance) in order to help in the fight against cancer. Why don’t you join me in doing good while feeling good?

I have a lot of feelings regarding pornography, some good, some extremely bad. TLDR, where does one go if they wish to support an ethical consumption of respectful and representative pornography? For a long time, I’m not sure I had an answer until I met the creative genius behind Aurore, a collection of modern erotica, written by authors just like you and me. 

Many of us have struggled to find ourselves within the modern porngraphic landscape, crowded with abusive, problematic, and destructive stereotypes. Aurore offers a place to collect your hook-up stories and read about others’ best stories. Emphasizing honesty, realness, and relatability, Aurore aims to educate, inspire, and empower good sex. 

For this Valentine’s Day, gift yourself the opportunity to get lost in the world of respectful and sensual modern erotica. Aurore works to pay every contributing writer, thus, is only available for subscribers. Offering three subscription models, Aurore provides full access to stories and access to virtual workshops depending on your membership. The cheapest option, $5.99 per month, offers readers full access to their database of erotica, and the knowledge you are supporting artists while you explore what intimacy means to you. 

Now, it may be no secret that during our most intimate moments, our senses are heightened. From the feeling of the sheets, to the light in the room, our environment can make a huge difference in our sexual experiences. On top of this, who can count the amount of movies that introduce a sexual encounter with the use of candlelight? Candles = Romance, right? 

With notes of palo santo, cedarwood, and citrus, the candle’s soy wax can be used as a hand oil, the perfect after-care following your Valentine’s date with your intimate self. For $52.00, Palo Santo & Chill will provide the romantic atmosphere and sensory experience everyone deserves on a day devoted to love and appreciation.

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